Some Deep Thoughts on a Situation in China

One of the reasons I started this blog was to discuss international adoption. Tomorrow the Assoc. Press will probably start blitzing the internet, newspapers and television with a breaking story regarding a little girl in China. I don't want to mention the names of the family members here, because people are googling the name of this little girl and it's a pretty touchy situation. I don't want to have a lot of strangers posting comments on my blog.

A husband and wife who are both architects and live in a suburb of Washington D.C. went to China to adopt a preschool age girl. They received mixed reports as to whether or not she had TB. They headed to China under the impression that everything was OK with her. I don't understand all the medical logistics, but to make a long story short, the Centers for Disease Control would not let them bring the child back to the U.S. until certain lab tests come back, which could take anywhere from two to six months. Due to the meds the girl has been on, she is not contagious to others on the airplane. The family claimed they didn't have enough money to stay in China any longer than their original two-week plan, so they left this little girl with an American family living over there. They specifically mentioned the need for both of them to work and pay their mortgage. They videotaped their final moments with this little girl. The footage can be seen on YouTube and elsewhere on the internet. As you can imagine, she does not react well when she is removed from her parents. I could not get myself to watch the whole tape, but those that did said it was "heart wrenching."

I signed a petition this family started to get some of the rules to change to allow adopted children of U.S. citizens with certain medical conditions to be allowed to return to the U.S. with their parents. As I understand it, this situation would not occur if the child was biological.

How did all this make me feel? Well, shocked. Shocked that the parents left this little girl in China. According to the parents, she was abandoned by her birth parents (as was my own daughter), then abandoned by her foster family and placed in an orphanage. She then spent two weeks with her parents. Her parents reported that she was very terrified anytime they took her out in public. She made some progress in attaching to them during the two weeks she was in their custody. Then- the parents left her to return to the U.S. So, she has now lived with five different caregivers.

Here are my concerns:

1. When these parents return to China to reclaim their child, be it in two or sixth months, it's pretty safe to assume (due to her behavior while they had her and her experiences of being bounced from caregiver to caregiver) that she is going to have major attachment issues. She is old enough to know what is going on. Is she ever going to be able to trust that any adult is there for her for the long run?

2. These parents claimed they could not stay in China longer because their credit cards had been maxed out. They did not even stay one extra day. Every parent going to adopt from China needs to have an emergency back up plan. What if a typhoon hits while you're there and you're stranded? What if there is an earthquake? What if your child picks up a virus while you're over there and requires hospitalization? What if you're too sick to get on the airplane for the flight home? International adoption is so full of risks.

3. The mortgage the parents need to work to pay off is for a $550,000 home. They live in a suburb where the cost of living is VERY high. We have personal friends who lived close by who can attest to this. Now, maybe they have to live there because their families are there. I don't know. I'm just not sure why anyone would want to live in a place where you have to spend that kind of money to buy a decent, livable house. This is why we have chosen to live in the midwest.

4. According to the parents' blog, they thought that by remaining longer in China, they would "probably" lose their jobs. They left so quickly, that I have to wonder if they even took the time to discuss the possibility of some kind of leave with their bosses. Could one of them stayed behind while the other parent returned to work?

I know, I haven't walked in their shoes. I've been called "harsh, judgmental, cruel, etc" on the international adoption forums for my opinions on this.

I wholeheartedly agree that the Centers For Disease Control needs to change some of their policies. They are not the good guys here, either. This child is a victim of govt. red tape and American materialism.

I just have a hard time with a society that places a job and a house before a child. I think of all the people whose children are diagnosed with terminal diseases. How much time do they miss from work? God will provide! He may not provide what WE think He should provide, but ultimately, He knows what we REALLY need.

I'm sorry this post has been so deep and political. I'm really struggling with this right now and I can't stop thinking about that poor little girl in Guangzhou.

Thanks for letting me share my heart with you.