Bullying Seminar

Last week I attended a bullying seminar sponsored by our local school district. The speaker, Trudy Ludwig, is the parent of children who were bullied during their elementary school years. She has written several books on the subject and speaks all over the country. Here's what I learned from her talk:

-9/10 elementary students have been bullied
-bullying happens once every seven min. on the playground and every 25 min. during class
-kids ages 8-15 rate bullying as a bigger problem than racism, AIDS, or peer pressure to try drugs, sex and alcohol
-bullied children are five times more likely to suffer from depression than their non-bullied peers

-There are three groups involved in bullying: aggressors, targets and bystanders

-There are three types of bullying: physical, verbal and relational.
-Relational bullying involves manipulation in a relationship. Examples are betraying secrets, gossip, the silent treatment, sending nasty e-mails, forming an exclusive club, pretending to be friends as a means to an end, etc. Relational bullying is the most harmful form of bullying.
-Girls target their own friends. Boys go outside their friendship circles.

-Not worried because your child isn't a target? Bystanders suffer the same symptoms as targets.
-Symptoms of bullying include: school phobia, head and stomachaches, anxiety, poor problem-solving skills and feelings of helplessness.
-School absences due to the effects of bullying account for 160,000 absences a day in the U.S.

-Girls with abusive friendships gravitate towards abusive romantic relationships later in life.
-Boys like to exchange friendly insults with each other. A boy who is bothered by such insults often becomes a target.

How to stop the bullying:
(Younger kids)
-Say to the bully, "Stop! I don't like it when you say that. If you do it again, I'll report you." Then WALK AWAY.
-Say, "So? Whatever! Who cares?"
-Act like a three year old and ask, "Why?" Ex. "You're fat?" "Why do you think I'm fat?" "Because you look fat." "Why do you think I look fat?" The idea is to get the bully to give up.
(Older kids)
-Turn an insult into a compliment. "You're fat!" "Thanks!"
-Agree. "You're fat." "You're right, I am fat." ( Be careful what you agree with on this one.)
-Change the subject by turning around and complimenting them. "You're fat!" "Cool shoes! Where did you get them?"
-Use humor to make the bully laugh.

What not to do:
-Fight back. This can just cycle out of control and go on forever or until someone really gets hurt.
-Ignore. They will just increase the level of their insults until you crack.

Whatever tactic is used, ALWAYS WALK AWAY and tell a grown-up.

If you ever have the opportunity to hear Trudy Ludwig speak, please go. The hour she spoke flew by quickly. She captures her audience and arms them with practical information.